I know that somewhere down the road, in this blog, I had covered the above topic before. Been many moons ago. But with some recent things that have transpired in my life, friendship to me is more important now than ever. Because things with my own health have come to rear it’s ugly head.
Personally, I am not one to go asking for help or so-called handouts. My husband and I both do not have that in our genetic make-up. We are dependent upon one another yes. But we are independent people when it comes to things regarding our home, finances and our family.
And I am for the most part REALLY good at keeping things in the way of my feelings, fears and thoughts hidden. I’m talking my deep-seeded ones. But lately, due to my medical condition once again taking a downward turn for the worse (which I knew was going to happen and HAS TO happen in order for insurance to cover the surgical procedure), and it’s suddenly drastic changes, I broke down yesterday in a group on FaceBook that I’m a member of and basically spilled my guts.
The reason I did it there is because only the members can see it, and I don’t want my kids to know yet. Nor the other family members or close personal friends. At least not for another couple weeks, after I see the specialist for a check-up.
Now, I take my friendships personally and seriously. Including those that I know online, as well as those that I can only “hang” with them via the phone lines or online. Some I have known for a good many years. But EVERY single one of them, I value as a friend as if we are able to communicate and hangout face-to-face.
I’m not a “one sided friendship” kind of gal, either. I believe that ANY relationship, including friendship, is a two-way road. And most of the time, we as friends should meet in the middle. No, I am NOT saying that we have to like EVERYTHING together (because differences are what makes even friends unique individuals). And I am not saying that you have to be in contact 24/7. But I feel that you should GIVE in to the friendship JUST AS MUCH as you are able to TAKE (advice, support).
Lately, I have been having a problem with a few of my friends in that department. One or two are more drastically “taking” than the others that I am speaking of. And you know, I have FINALLY put my foot down. Sadly though, with their amount of narcissism, they most likely won’t say a word in their own defense, because to them, it is NOT pertaining to *them*.
It’s not very often that I ask for support, prayers, etc. And it’s not very often I “complain”, whine, or even all-out tell exactly what’s going on. Because I am not one to admit my true emotions or feelings. And my fierce independent streak is one that says to help myself as to not look weak.
The one time outright that I say that I am in a bad spot in my life, and that I really cannot deal with supporting someone else other than myself (and my kids of course), and put it all out on the table, the ones that I HAVE ALWAYS been there for, have not said ONE supportive thing to me. Not one. But they ask me for favors, ask me to share something. Ask my advice.
Well, guess what. NO MORE. I AM DONE. For now, anyways. And just with them. I can no longer be there for those that cannot be there for themselves to work out their own problems, or are seemingly unable to be there for others, when a SLUE of people have been there for them. Including yours truly.
So, if you are the type that I have mentioned above, please do me (and yourself) a favor… HELP YOURSELF. And don’t be coming and “knocking on my door”, because until further notice (and the length is on a case-by-case basis), my door is closed to you unless it’s a MAJOR crisis (death, major medical). Even then, don’t expect too much from me. I’m not going to be heartless. But I won’t be overflowing, either.
No, I’m not looking for “perfection of reciprocation” of those friends that I am speaking of within this post (and it is NOT pertaining to FAMILY, either!). But I do not like always being on the receiving end of your problems, your needs, or your asking of “favors”, only to have NOTHING returned. Because to me, that is NOT being a so-called “friend”. It’s called being a selfish taker of another person, because their narcissism is giving them “swelled head” syndrome, and making them believe that NO ONE else has problems but them, and that no one’s problems are more important.
I don’t jive with that crap.